I’m Peter French and I am a Hypnotherapist in Portsmouth. One of the things I offer is a one to one self esteem course in at my office Portsmouth.
Self esteem is one of those things where we feel like the rest of the world is so much better prepared than we are, that we don’t deserve to get the things that we want. Well do you know what? That’s just a train of thought.
Inside our minds we create a picture or a model of the world that we live in. We make it so that it fits our experience and its purpose is to let us stay safe and be as happy as we can be. Everybody has their own unique map because they have their own unique experience of the world. The map lets us predict all those what if questions that we ask ourselves all the time. That’s our life, the place that we live in day to day and for many people it works.
Some people have something else in their mind. It wants to make things better than they are and it continually challenges their map of the world. Sometimes the improver part wins and the map grows to allow for the new improvement. Sometimes the improver doesn’t manage to change the map and reinforces an existing part of that says you will get uncomfortable or sad if you try that, and it has the memories to prove it. Sometimes we let other people persuade us that it’s not a good idea to do the improvement, or even to try it and that’s built in to the map too. Did an adult ever use that tone of voice that you just had to respond to? Well that’s part of our internal map of the world.
Low self esteem then is where we have that improver part to our mind and it’s not getting enough wins. It doesn’t get to make any changes, it doesn’t even get to try things out because the existing map along with other people’s opinion stops us. We need permission in a big way.
The good news is that it’s all there inside you, the only problem is that it’s hard to find.
I have helped people who felt that they just lacked that bit of oomph to get started, to get past all those nagging doubts that want to keep us safe and happy and not risk anything. The best phrase of the people that I have worked with comes from the film Strictly Ballroom it goes:
A life lived in fear is a life half lived
It is possible to work past all of those negative thoughts and put some positive ones in place. Generally this takes about three sessions. There’s no lightning bolt and there’s no instant riches. Instead there’s a glimmer at first and then a realisation that you are good enough and that things are worth doing things even if they don’t work out. And that the answer is:
Have a go, if it doesn’t work then let’s see what happens when we do it another way.